'Monies 'Monies

Today being the first Sunday of the first month of the new decade there were perhaps a greater number of people wanting to say something in Sacrament meeting. Over the years I have developed some classifications for the various oratories that take place on the first Sunday of each month. Here are my humble and largely sarcastic classifications.

• Testimony - A straight forward stating of ones beliefs and convictions. (as it should be) Wife is great at this.
• Thankfullmoney - Usually given by a child under the age of 25. I goes along these lines but I have yet to hear it verbatim. "I like to bare my testimony, I know the church is true. I'm thankful for my family and all the things they do!"
• Talkimony - These are from people that the bishopric avoids asking to give talks. The first Sunday of the month gives these people the chance to give a talk in church on what ever subject they choose and take as long as they want. If the audience is lucky it's coherent.
• Travelmony - These are usually given by older people who feel the need to explain there whereabouts for the last month.
• Agendamony - These are usually given by people who have an ax to grind or a political cause to forward. We had one of these today and she did use scripture and managed not to mention the Constitution Party but it was like a game of "Taboo" where she said anything but "Constitution Party".
• Senileamoney - These are given by good stalwart and totally insane members who can't seem to string together a complete coherent sentence and usually involves sobbing at some point.
• Shockimony - This is delivered by someone you would never expect to get up in front of a church group and express a sincere and heart felt testimony. this makes sitting in the meeting listening to all the other "monies" worth it.